Valentine’s Day: There’s Help for Those Ready to Make This Year Meaningful
This article recognizes Valentine’s Day as a snapshot revealing our posture toward that special someone. Also included are practical suggestions for enhancing this day into a meaningful experience.
Yes, Valentine’s Day is a social construct put on the calendar by floral trade groups and marketers to make money. Valentine’s Day has harnessed similar traction and staying power as Mother’s Day, capitalizing on a core longing and desire: romantic love. It is a day full of expectation, and likely a full history of missed expectations. Many men, myself included, feel the blood pressure intensify around this day as we wonder how we might once again woo our woman’s heart! The longer we’ve been in a relationship the more predictable and by default less “romantic” we’ve become. Stress, setting a low bar or altogether giving up are understandable.
No matter the practice with our partner and our shared history with Valentine’s Day, this day returns annually as a reminder of romance and invitation to re-engage. Even if it has become a complicated topic in your relationship or is no longer a big deal, I can promise you, it still matters to your special someone. Even more importantly, Valentine’s Day is not about the day. It symbolizes a posture toward your special someone and desire for deeper connection. This is where we can miss things – it is not about the day! It is a snapshot revealing our current investment in this person we’ve committed to journey alongside.
I want to offer three simple suggestions that can serve as a baseline, if not a significant enhancement to your relational effort. I believe men are inherently creative, capable of delighting in the woman of their life, and by nature, impressive beings! There are interruptions, distractions and obstacles that obscure these innate qualities. Allow these suggestions to create space and prompt the emergence of our lovelier qualities.
Plan ahead
Decide where you’re going to eat, or if you were going to dine in what that meal will be. Ensure that special time on your calendar is blocked off. If adjustments are needed or the day is not happening on the 14th, talk with your spouse in advance. If eating out, don’t forget to make needed reservations well in advance. Brainstorm ideas before the pressure builds to make decisions and actions have to be taken. Inquire of her for a few meaningful gifts ideas or an activity. For some this day can be a day for the tried and true favorites. For others this day can be a day for something fresh and new. Intentionality and preparation communicate value to our special someone.
Layer this event
Our wives value our showing up and enthusiastic presence during the meal. Additionally, there are things we can do that will make the night feel special. Have some topics for conversation that interest her, or questions prepped to ask and respond to. Bring a gift or flowers or the thing that communicates you are thinking of her. Write her a note, and read it during the meal. Light a candle or buy a whole package of tea lights and light ‘em all! Plan a little something before or after the meal like a show, walk or blankets and s’mores with a fire. Select a short story or some poetry to read together. Watch a favorite show on the couch with the gift of a foot rub. Pick one or two aspects to layer on the time together. Adding layers is much easier by planning ahead. Thoughtfulness and the unexpected transform routine into special.
Class it up
Perform all of the grooming that is needed to transform from mountain man to civilized gentleman. Wear something nice that makes her know how you feel about this night. Dress the way you want to be seen. What we wear communicates much about our state of mind. The older most men get the less they care about appearance, the more comfortable they are in routine, and the more they can look like their fathers – a hard observation to hear! Choose the flower she really likes and the restaurant or meal she really enjoys, not the cheaper or more convenient option. Plan ahead and find a way to class up the whole day like cleaning the house the night before or add a layer by buying a little something new to wear for that meal. Ask if there is something she would like to see you wearing, then invite her to get something too. Even if you are dining in, class it up. Generosity and class elevate the experience.
These three suggestions will enhance the celebration of this coming Valentine’s Day. They also offer a regular rhythm that can enhance the regular practice of relationship building.
Men procrastinate because they are waiting for the right time or perfect something. The right and perfect will not come. Jump in!
Men avoid because they are anxious about making a mistake. The true mistake is in the avoiding and not taking a risk. Take a risk!
Men over-think because they think by figuring things out they can do things better. Every woman is actually grateful her partner cannot read her mind, so asking (in advance) is very much welcomed. Just ask her!
Do you have any more tips to offer those striving to bring a little special to their someone?
Please share your thoughts!