What To Do With All This Life to Live?
SUMMARY: This article considers the lengthening life expectancy of men compared to 100 years ago, the implications for those in the middle years, and how Coaching the Crossroads will engage these existential questions in 2025.
Living Longer Creates An Existential Crossroad For Men
Currently, the average life expectancy for men in the United States is 74.8 years and for women it is 80.2 years. This comes from the CDC National Center for Health StatiSUMMARY: This article considers the lengthening life expectancy of men compared to 100 years ago, the implications for those in the middle years, and how Coaching the Crossroads will engage these existential questions in 2025.stics.
Today that is normal but put in a historical context some rich observations can be made. Let me offer some context.
In 1900, men lived an average of 46.3 years and life expectancy slowly ticked upward, except for a significant drop to 36.6 years in 1918 due to the Spanish Flu. In 1925, men lived an average of 57.6 years. These numbers also come from the CDC statistics (page 52-53). Science and cultural improvements found a relative fountain of immortality. Men had on average 10 years more of life than their fathers and, in 1925, were living to nearly 60 years of age! What would a generation of men do with lifetimes stretching a decade longer? How much more life could be experienced? What would it be like to usher grandchildren into their adult years? Lifespan was changing dramatically!
What would we do (in 2025) if offered the same?
Today’s men are being offered the same and even longer lifespans, and it has created an existential crossroads. We are being profoundly impacted by the reality of life longevity.
Observation One: The present generation of Boomer generation men (born 1946-1964) are living an average 18 years their fathers never experienced. This means they were likely offered little imagination for what life would be like into retirement and beyond. It’s undeniable they have innumerable ideas and ways to spend these years. By “offered little imagination” I reference the lack of example and guidance from their fathers for what life could be like at 60, 65, 70 and 75 years! Consequently, boomers have imagined snow-birding, traveling the world, enjoying golf courses, warm-climate communities and countless other forms of leisure and twilight year activity.
Observation Two: This month I turn 50-years old. I have another 24.8 years according to today’s CDC stats, but if life expectancy slowly ticks up for men as the chart’s trend reveals, I now have as many adult years ahead as behind me. It is realistic for me to expect to live to 80 years of age! I’m in the second generation of men living historically unheard of lengths of life. A fact rippling through souls of quarter-life, mid-life and late-in-life men. Our fathers had to imagine lifespans their fathers could not imagine. Their sons have been inspired by their fathers’ path in one way or another. Men lack cultural waypoints toward mature and late-in-life manhood due to lack of historical precedence. Our fathers experimented and we carry forward the lab work.
Observation Three: The Boomer generation is at the end this life expectancy and 2025 will be a year of grief and loss for many sons and families. When a son buries his father he became the keeper of his family story. It will be edited and transmitted forward in a particular way, and chapters will be lost or forgotten. Meaningful conversation and intentional time are the only means by which this story will be transmitted. The invitation is for fathers to curate and initiate conversations with their children. Children are invited to be available and receive wisdom that may not be fully appreciated just yet, but will be invaluable in the 24.8+ years ahead!
Welcoming 2025. My business and ministry of Coaching the Crossroads came from my own search for wisdom and guidance as I worked on a church staff, ventured into starting a side-business, then a church start-up, and eight years later closing the start-up. I entered the doldrums at age 40 feeling lost, alone and overwhelmed by the lifetime still ahead. I sought counseling, searched and read many books on the topic, listened to interviews and began to organize my discoveries like breadcrumbs for those following. As I look back at this last year I have undertaken some significant steps in coaching men one-on-one, hosting events to deepen relationships between men, and develop resources for those in the stage of life I found myself.
As I look ahead to 2025 here are some of the ways you will see Coaching the Crossroads leaning into emerging opportunities.
Invitations to men for the one-on-one coaching journey. This is the primary means of financial income for Coaching the Crossroads. These journeys begin as six-month explorations involving formation stories, intra-personal skills, and re-defining the relationship with self, spouse and career.
Hosting the first Men’s Retreat where the reality and qualities of a solid sense of self will be explored. This retreat will be a pilot opportunity leading ten men through the framework of smart, safe and strong presence.
Producing a second season of the Ordinary Men and the Moments That Made Them podcast. Invitations are beginning to go out to later-in-life men who have a defining story to share.
Leading the first Men’s Story Group where a group of men will revisit past formative stories and discover new, truer stories hidden within.
Carrying forward monthly events where men can learn more about life coaching through story nights, film talks, audio nights and other guided activities. These are free, one-time experiences of genuine relationship building and connection.
Preview and feedback of the research and writing Mike has undertaken for what will become an eventual book. Research is transitioning into synthesis of ideas and learning, which will move into drafts that will inevitably land in a refined, published form.
You are a valuable part of this journey. Some of you are current and past clients. Others are friends and family. There a few fellow (and future) practitioners. This journey is not performed in a vacuum and my journey and growth has been influenced by you. Your feedback, support and participation will contribute in ways you may not recognize so please lean in!